What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

He resisted the act ,that day.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

How do you identify a woman player?

She wouldn,t have been !

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

(And it was in our own minds.)

How do teachers justify punishing a student for fighting back against their bullies?

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

What is your most intimate experience with your best friend?

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

I dreamt my mother had died and I cried so much in my dream. What does it mean?

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

Where the ultimate outsiders.

Do flat Earthers really exist? Why do they believe the Earth is flat?

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

Russell's F1 Canadian GP win in doubt after Red Bull protest - Autosport

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

So whats the point in blame.

The only rule us 5 kids had .

Is the Trump-Zelenskyy meeting a preview of what the US is going to do to Taiwan?

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

What are 5 ways that can be done by the community to improve the public transport system?

She married twice! .

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

Was to survive, this bastard.

GTA Online Money Fronts Update Download Goes Live Early - RockstarINTEL

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

What was your best sex experience that still makes you horny?

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

I don,t even have a pension.

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

Who then, do I blame.?

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

It was going to be , some day.

I was 9 years of age.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

My family never makes their pension either.

I could never make a relationship work though!

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

So, i spoilt her more .

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

All the time i was locked up.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

She loved him until the end.

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

I had hoped to write a book about this .

But, we were locked up after school.

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

I said to her

When she asked me how she looked .

I think the readers, may guess!

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

As i do to all so called friends.?

I was scared of men, in general

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

And i lived it daily.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

One cannot live in the past .

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

I waited trembling.

I was very sick at this time too.

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

We all went to grammer schools

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

Im dying but, im not bitter.

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

He knew the spot.

And who doesn’t know suffering?

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

But ive been too sick for many years..

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

Especially a lifetime of it.

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

I couldn’t, believe it.

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

I write beautiful poetry .

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

My life is so biszare .

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

Would this be the day?

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

She found it foreign!.

She was in good health!

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

Ive learnt so much.

Why did i forgive my father ?

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

Put me off passion for life!!

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

I have no regrets .

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

On the 31st of Jan this month .

But it wasn’t much.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

What did i know ?

I know ,a lot about trauma.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

Im still living with it.

This is soul school!.

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

Comes on , in middle age.

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

I will be 64.

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

They are buried together, in the same grave..

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

I was seconnd youngest,

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

We were not on the streets..

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

I did it because my mum asked me too!

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

I never cut or harmed myself..

He was dying to do it , i knew.

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.